Quick private parent tool
What is happening, and what can I do next?
Take a quick behavior-first scan, then get practical next steps for yourself and gentle ways to help your child practice useful skills. This tool organizes observations; it does not diagnose a family or decide what caused a child’s response.
How to use this in about five minutes
Choose the answer that best matches what you have directly observed or reliably documented. “Unsure” is a useful answer. You do not need to complete every item.
Badmouthing the other parent
Negative, demeaning, or hostile statements about the other parent made to or within earshot of the child.
Limiting contact
Actions that reduce scheduled, ordinary, or spontaneous contact between the child and the other parent.
Interfering with communication
Blocking, monitoring, redirecting, or disrupting calls, texts, messages, or other direct communication.
Interfering with symbolic communication
Blocking photos, gifts, cards, mentions, or other ordinary reminders of the other parent.
Withdrawal of love or conditional approval
Withholding affection, approval, or belonging when the child shows warmth toward the other parent.
Telling the child the parent does not love them
Statements or repeated suggestions that the other parent does not love, want, or care about the child.
Forcing the child to choose
Direct or indirect pressure requiring the child to demonstrate loyalty to one parent over the other.
Telling the child the parent is dangerous
Presenting the other parent as unsafe, threatening, or harmful without a substantiated, child-relevant basis.
Confiding in the child about adult or court matters
Sharing litigation, financial, relationship, or other adult information that places the child in an adult role.
Forcing the child to reject the other parent
Directing, scripting, rewarding, or otherwise pressuring the child to refuse or denounce the other parent.
Asking the child to spy
Requesting information about the other parent, household, or activities for use in adult conflict or litigation.
Asking the child to keep secrets
Instructing the child to conceal information from the other parent or carry adult secrets.
Referring to the parent by first name
Consistently replacing a parent title with a first name in a way that diminishes the parent role.
Referring to a step-parent as “Mom” or “Dad”
Encouraging a child to use a parental title for a step-parent while displacing or erasing the other parent.
Withholding medical, academic, or other information
Failing to share or actively blocking access to information needed for the other parent to participate in care.
Changing the child’s name to remove association
Changing, shortening, or modifying the child’s name to reduce connection with the other parent.
Cultivating dependency or undermining autonomy
Encouraging excessive dependence or portraying the child’s independent relationship with the other parent as disloyal.
Use observable details, dates, sources, and what happened before or after. Avoid names or details that could create danger if this screen or PDF is seen by someone else.
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